30 Rules of living for Men/Guys/Dudes/if you own d Man card

Alright, we are taking the focus away from the women folk for a while. Abeg enough of the women-rights bla "e don do”, Ladies! You could read this too, to set your man straight. I mean, if he’s not straight and he’s your man, you already have a problem.
1. In a game of FIFA (or in actual football kick-around)
with your buddies you are NOT allowed to refer to a
“cross” as a “pull-out”. This is to avoid
controversial statements such as “O boy! Bayo,
that pull out mad oh. And you come sabi head well. Na you
bad pass for pull-out & heading”.
2. Under no circumstance is a guy allowed to use his
hard earned money to purchase an umbrella neither is
he allowed to use one (except while sharing it with
a lover). However, he is allowed to accept it as a
souvenir at a wedding but must dump it in the closest
trash right after the reception is over.
Editor’s note: No really, are there guys that buy
umbrellas? Are they still referred to as guys?
3. Every guy must have Livescores.com bookmarked
on his (and his girlfriend’s) phone/PC. Every guy.
Every.
Editor’s note: Some ‘guys’ just went “what’s
livescores?” You my friend need to handover your
man card.
4. Even if a guy hates basketball, when your mates
are talking about the NBA you are to chip in these
exact words: “But man, Vince Carter killed it
at the 2000 slam dunk contest. Christ!” OR
“T-Mac’s 13pts in 33seconds against
Spurs is still one of the greatest
comebacks of all time, though.”
5. When hosting your friends for an EPL or UCL
game (or the El-Classico) it is only normal that the
host provides the alcohol while the friends must all
bring different variety of “chow” (pizza, suya etc.).
It wouldn’t hurt for the friends to bring along
emergency alcohol, though.
6. Any lady who perfectly explains the offside rule
in football should first be double-checked for a penis
& upon passing this test should be treated like the
goddess that she is.
Editor’s note: and you best start treating ‘her’ as one
of the guys. These ‘girls’ are the ones you need to
hide your PS pad from. NEVER CHALLENGE THEM
TO A GAME!!!
7. No skinny jeans.
8. Every guy should have his own badass tailor who
sews his own suit for him. Even the greatest ‘suit
wearer’ of all time had his.
9. In the immortal words of Big Ghost, a guy is
permitted a maximum of 5 selfies per year. If
however he does not exhaust these 5 takes, he is
not permitted to carry what’s left over to the next
year. The count must be restarted.
10. You are permitted to sing R&B songs in a
Karaoke bar. It is one of the 2 places on earth
where guys are allowed to hit high notes. The 2nd
being a (non-prison) shower.
Editor’s note: and please, never speak of what
transpired in there with yo homies once you walk
out the door.
11. If a guy spends the night in police custody he is
required to spit a rap freestyle consisting a minimum
of 16bars to his buddies.
12. You are not allowed to perform CPR on a
fellow guy you’re not related to. Let him die in
(straight) peace. I’m sure he’ll understand.
Exception: You work for the Red Cross.
13. A guy is not permitted to be a designated non-
drinking driver for more than 3 night outs in a row
with the hommies. Seriously, just watching your
buddies have all the fun & destroy their liver is both
lame & wicked. Smart & responsible, yes, but more
of lame & wicked.
14. A guy must engage in coital activities with a lady
while being tied up and Christina Aguilera’s “Nasty
Naughty Boy” playing in the background at least once
in his life time. #clears throat. did we say anything here?nope,thought so too.
15. A guy is permitted to cry tears of joy on hiswedding day. No G-points shall be deducted from his
gangster-account. 


... To be continued, stay glued....please leave a comment!!!!!